A Daily Security Affirmation Service

If you pay $10 per month to HeySweetheart, a stranger will call you every day to "tell you that they love you, miss you, think you’re special, or any other sweet nothing they can come up with on the spot," according to Greg Kumparak's post on MobileCrunch. Seriously. (Update: Looks like KeySweetheart's business model was unsustainable, and the company has shut down.)

What a service! After all, who cannot use a bit of daily affirmation?

This gave me an idea for a new service that any security professional will surely appreciate. For $10 per month I will call you, and tell you how wonderful your security program is. Sample messages include:

  • Everyone in the company has read your security policy. They loved it.
  • You're up to date on all relevant security patches. The patches you’re missing don’t really matter.
  • No wonder you’re not receiving any anti-virus alerts: your firewall blocks all malware at the network’s perimeter.
  • You don’t need to review your code for vulnerabilities, because your developers follow the Secure Software Development Life Cycle.
  • If you haven’t noticed any compromised systems, it must be because your network is truly secure.
  • Of course everyone in the office knows what you mean when you refer to the "CIA triad."

100% satisfaction guaranteed. You can hear a sample phone message by listening to this post’s audio attachment.

Would you like to add any other affirmative security messages to the repertoire? Feel free to comment.



About the Author

I transform ideas into successful outcomes, building on my 25 years of experience in cybersecurity. As the CISO at Axonius, I lead the security program to earn customers' trust. I'm also a Faculty Fellow at SANS Institute, where I author and deliver training for incident responders. The diversity of cybersecurity roles I've held over the years and the accumulated expertise, allow me to create practical solutions that drive business growth.

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